My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
