I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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