yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
