I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
