omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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