My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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