I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize