Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
