i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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