He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
