I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
