Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
