what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
