Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
