Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
