and you said cock pushups were impossible
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
