3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
did i walk over a car last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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