I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
