My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
