I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
