I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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