i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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