Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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