Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
