Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
