look no pants
babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
