yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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