So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
