Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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