And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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