Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
