his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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