so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
