fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
