i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
