I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
