walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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