he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
