I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
