Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
