Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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