I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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