K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
