Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
