Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
