im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
