so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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