You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
