I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
