hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's blow job season.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
