It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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