just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you have feelings for this penis?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize