Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
