I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
