It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
