Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
