I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
