he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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