Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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