You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i now understand why vodka
You've changed since you got that strap on
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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