well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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