Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
