i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
be right there i have to get my cape
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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