Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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