this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She needs sedatives and a leash
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize