just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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