More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
