Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize