remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
