why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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