North Korea, Best Korea!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
