Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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