It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
