How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
