Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
